Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Episode 4

I haven't been blogging the Bachelorette this season because it just got to be too much for me in seasons past.  But when Aubrey and I decided to watch last night's episode together I figured I might as well throw one up there for fun!  Confession, I only watched the first episode and last night, so I missed two weeks in there and it was hard to follow.  I need to go back and watch the other two episodes if I'm going to continue on.

On Andi: Is that a scarf or a baby blanket?

Rub a dub dub, six boys in a tub.

Dylan one-on-one
EIGHT YEAR RELATIONSHIP???  When did you start dating?  When you were TWELVE?

Dylan wants to be wearing a shirt that says "Ask me about my brother's funeral"

Andi says "Not bad." And I say, "Not good either."

Dylan starts to share his story after Andi beat it out of him.  She doesn't look interested, she looks like she's questioning him on trial.

Sitting across from each other doesn't really lend itself to heart felt conversation.  They might as well be on opposite sides of a banquette table.

Dylan has been through so much.  I don't understand why people who are so broken think it's a good idea to come on this show.  

Andi says she tried to keep it together in front of him, but it comes off as unfeeling.  If you're going to date someone, you should feel comfortable expressing your feelings.

Group Date
Let's go with the usual formula. 1 guy + 10 girls (or vise versa in this case) + any sporting event + winners stay, losers go home.

How come one team has real jerseys and the other team had to write their own numbers on?  Did the budget run out?

Funny how excited Patrick was for a five on one date.  Perspective I guess.

The Rosebuds win and the Five of Hearts mope around the stadium in a montage of sad music.

Josh goes on a little rant about losing.  Suuuuuper attractive.

Eric is my favorite and it makes me sad to know he's not around anymore.

In all the seasons of this show I've seen, they've never talked about the Mormon religion.  When contestants have been former members of the church they've usually skirted this issue or used words other than LDS vocabulary.  I wonder if they're editing it differently because he's passed away.

Marcus one-on-one
Look, my husband rocks a goatee, but some people just can't with out looking like a creeper.  Marcus is one of those people. 

M: Can we kiss in front of them?
A: No.
Good call girl, good call.

Andi: Is there a single bad thing about Marcus?
Me: YES!  That goatee!!

Cocktail Party/Rose Ceremony
THAT DRESS.  Yes.

Stealing Andi from the guy who hasn't had any time, when you already have a rose. . . NOT COOL.

Andi and Eric's fight is incredibly uncomfortable considering the outcome of Eric's life.

Now we sit down and discuss Andi's feelings about Eric's passing.  And this rubs me the wrong way because I'm sure A LOT of other people are more affected by it than Andi is.  She only knew him for such a short time.  But it IS good that they didn't just leave it as is.  So. . . mixed feelings.

Tonight's episode was kind of heavy, don't you think?  Let's go check out what Aubrey had to say about it!

An InLinkz Link-up

Wanna watch the Bachelor Finale with me?

Aubrey, Ashely and I have finally made it to the end of this season.  I thought the finale would never come.  Now Chris Harrison can admit how much he doesn't like Juan Pablo. 

Clare's Day
Her whole family speaks Spanish but not her.  Bet she's wishing she had made that more of a priority now.  

Wow, saying that if she has three girls she'll keep on trying for a boy. . .  sexist much, family of Juan Pab?

Nikki's Day 
JP's dad is telling Nikki that Juan Pab is not an eeesee guy.  JP's mom told Clare that he was rude.  His parents don't sugar coat it for them do they???

JP's cousin asks how much like Nikki likes fighting because apparently he's very difficult to get a long with.

Nikki knows Juan Pablo on a different level than his family.  She knows him better after six weeks than his family, who has know him all his life.

And they kiss on the very same bench as he kissed Clare.

When Juan Pablo says "I'm so glad you signed up for this," I'm almost positive that he's going to choose Nikki in the end.

Clare Again
So Clare is offended by something that JP whispered on the helicopter.  Let's start a chant: More virgin bachelors, more virgin bachelors, more virgin bachelors. . .

If Clare has been with guys who only want one thing, why not try. . . not giving them that thing???

Who met my family, who met Camilla, who met my mom, who met my dad? You did!  And Nikki.

So basically JP helps Clare feel all better by telling her she can have a baby.

Did Juan Pablo just break the rules???

And now they're making out, so his tactic of telling her that he didn't want something physical totally got him what he wanted. . .

Seeing Sean in the audience, AHHHHH!!!!!!! There is NO comparison.  He is so cool and JP is just ug, I'm so over him.

Nikki Again
Nikki says JP is one of the most amazing people she's ever met.  She must have had a lot of crappy people in her life.

And I'm just noticing JP's man capris.

What's better than watching two people kiss?  Watching the people watching those people kiss.  #AudienceCam

Getting Ready/Rose Ceremonies
Nikki says every girl dreams of this day.  The day that her boyfriend breaks up with his other girlfriend and proposes to you. 

Nikki says today will be one of the best days of her life.  So is she hoping that JP will propose or break up with her?  Could you be more clear Nik?

Chris Harrison hits on Clare.

Clare is first.  History shows us that first is the worst and second is best, when it comes to the final rose.

If Juan Pablo was honest, why did he tell her she could have his baby in a year?????

I bet Chris H slipped Clare his phone number as she walked away.

Neil Lane didn't want to be on the show with Juan Pab, or there was too much "drama" to waste time showing the ring selection?

Juan Pablo is right up there.  May the odds be ever in your favor. -- Chris Harrison

You know?  I think he's smart not to propose.  And Nikki can save that moment for a guy who truly loves her.

I really don't think I'm going to blog After The Final Rose.  Peace out!!

We're done, we did it!  Check out Aubrey and Ashley to see if they made it.  One or more may have died.  I know I was close.

Wanna watch the Bachelor with me? Women Tell All!!

Aubrey, Ashely and I are nearing the end of the Bachelor train.  Thank goodness.

When I sit down to write my bachelor posts, I don't force myself to write a certain amount.  I even go back and delete things because I have so much and I only want to keep the best.  But this time, this is really all I have to say. 

Half an hour in to the show and I haven't written a single thing.

Chris makes Sharleen "take a look back" at her journey on the show, and I hear Sharleen quietly whisper "oh no."

Have Sharleen's eyebrows always been that pointy?

Ah, Sharleen's sleepless nights have nothing to do with Juan Pablo.  The editors will take whatever they can get, won't they?

I LOVE MAMA!!!

Renee has incredible cheekbones. #ThingsIThinkWhenISeeHerOnTheCloseUpCam

Hahaha!  Juan Pablo poking fun at himself for saying "Eees okay" is awesome.

I don't think Cassandra and Renee were extra special to him, I think he just calls them his special ones because he looked at them differently.  Obviously if they were more special to him they would have been the final two.

"Who's on team Clare?"  Chris H seriously expects no one raise their hands.

I just feel like there was nothing new to say tonight.  I usually have the longest posts of the three of us, so let's go see if Aubrey and Ashley have written more than me this week!

Wanna watch the Bachelor with me? Two in one week!

Ah, the two episode week.  After watching Monday's I think they needed something spicy on Tuesday because they knew it was just. so. boring.   Join Aubrey, Ashely and I in blogging about the crap we willing watch.

Hometowns

Nikki
There is no way sister eats BBQ regularly and still fits in those jeans.

This date is totally snooze fest.  Can we just get to the family part? 

And the family dinner follows the Bachelor script that has been laid out for them on seasons past. 

Andi
Her family calls her "Pookie"???  Gag.

Andi's mom asks JP to bust a move.  I think she wanted Juan Pablo to dance with her, but he asks Andi to come out and dance for her mom. 

I think Andi's dad's advice is totally backwards.  If you have a kid already, they have to be your priority.

Renee 
I think Juan Pablo needs to step back and give her a moment alone with her son.

I just realized that none of the girls have told JP they loved him!  Which is totally normal in the real world, but not for this show.

Clare
"We've been to places where I think anyone could fall in love."  This is the most intelligent sentence to come out of Clare's mouth.

JP: I can't wait to see why you are the way you are.  (WHY ARE YOU CRAZY)

I just do not know who Clare is related to in her family. . .

Rose Ceremony
I'm 99% sure that Renee is going home tonight.  I know that Clare and Andi make it to next week because of the ads, and between Nikki and Renee I think he has a stronger connection with Nikki.  Sadly, I have a stronger connection with Renee, so I'll be sad if I'm correct. 

I'm right.  Dang.  But I love Renee too much to want this for her.

St Lucia

Clare
Clare is thinking of not going to the fantasy suite because of the whole "swimming in the ocean" drama.  Haha!  That came back to bite him.

Clare starts talking about meeting Cameeela and suddenly *ding ding ding* now we know Nikki didn't tell any one that she already did!

For the love, can someone edit out the sound of the ocean???  That is all I can hear.

Andi
I am so bored I have nothing to say.

Andi tells Juan Pablo "You're easy"  You keep saying that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.  (said in Mandy Patinkin's voice)

Just an aside here, but can you imagine if people were grilled this much about being a parent before they got pregnant???  But I can see how step parenting is different, it's just funny to think about.

Andi is looking so good tonight.

Good for Andi for realizing that she deserves better.  I think so often the girls get blinded by this situation.

Nikki
What in the world is this girl wearing????   How many occasions can you find to wear an outfit like that?

I hope I walk into my doctor's office and see Nurse Nikki taking care of my babies.  After seeing her in this top.  Yep, I would love that.

Juan Pablo likes to point out when girls are "thinking a lot" and he tries to squash that asap.

I swear Nikki and JP are acting out the exact same scene he had with Clare earlier in the week.

Andi's confrontation
Good to know Chris Harrison is here.  We hardly see him any more, I wondered if he was even coming along for the ride.

Every now and then JP just starts saying words hoping that they're forming a sentence: Love, women, good, feeling.

JP is watching Nikki's video and I'm totally wondering what Andi's video is going to entail.  I hope she just looks and the camera and then walks away.  That would be awesome.

I'm so tired, I rub my eyes.  I just really hope that Adam doesn't think I'm crying.  Because NO.

Andi walks slowly up the hill like she heading to battle.  A battle she's going to fight in a silk shirt and lace shorts.

I laughed so FREAKING hard when Juan Pablo tried to play her game and asked "What is MY religion?"  "Catholic"  And then his face, totally blank.  Awesome.

Andi's exit speech is so hilarious as the back ground to the girls arriving.  

Rose Ceremony
Blah blah blah.

Adam would also like me to point out that he was correct about the final two women left.  I get it, you're a dude, you know what dudes look for in a girl.  

And of course you know, I'm off to check out my girls Aubrey and Ashley!

Wanna watch the Bachelor with me? Week 7

This week is fun because it's the week that Aubrey and I had our viewing party! Which just means we watched it together.  And poor Ashley had a car accident that prevented her from posting last week, but she is back this week! 

You kiss your daughter with those lips!?!

Do you think he's going to have each of the girls baby sit Camilla for a night to see how they do together?

How far do you think I could go on this show with out kissing the bachelor?  Because I need a vacation and this seems like a great way to get a free one.

1x1 with Sharleen
Sharleen opens the card as if it contains anthrax.

Adam takes note that while Sharleen gets ready for her date she has time for a pose on the balcony.

Clare: What is Sharleen?  Are we unsure if she's human?

If we keep saying the word "trouble" it's going to stop sounding like a word.

Juan Pablo asks about how her career will fit with his lifestyle.  If I don't know what Sharleen just said, there is no way that Juan Pablo does.

Juan Pablo says "You're more than welcome." And smiles as if he was impressed with how many words he was able to just string together.

Right in the middle of a major makeout session, Olivia's (my two year old) iPad game starts playing the song "Do What is Right" #CanWeSayPerfectTiming

"I like the words you use."  I don't understand them, but I like the way your mouth looks when you say them.

Sharleen gets home and runs to Renee, the house mama.

1x1 with Nikki
What are we doing, where are we going, what are you going to buy me?  (I added that last one, but it seems like something Nikki would say, no?)

Nikki says she's flattered to go to Camilla's recital but I think she means annoyed.

Nikki's shirt stays in place with the help of some seriously strong tape. 

Sharleen does the right thing
The girls frown on the outside, but jump for joy on the inside.

Group Date
Chelsie's mom tells her in her letter to keep her clothes on.  As Chelsie reads this to Jaun Pab, her clothes are literally falling off.

The story Clare is telling about her dad is seriously the only thing she can talk about.

And in the ultimate act of betrayal, Juan Pablo kisses Andi in the ocean while Clare and the other girls fly over head.

This fight between Nikki and Clare is the dumbest thing that I have ever seen.

Cocktail/Rose Ceremony
Sweet Chelsie tries to strike up a conversation about jewelry and for the first time I see Chelsie as more mature than some of the other girls.  At least she wants everyone to get a long.

Nikki is rocking a 1980's Barbie doll dress.

Juan Pablo sits down and wisely separates Nikki from the rest of the girls.  And Chris Harrison couldn't clink that glass soon enough.

I panicked for a second thinking that he might pick Chelsie over Renee.  Don't send Mama home!!!!

"It's nice to date a good guy for once."  I'm thinking she'll change her mind once she watches this season.

Once again, I think I was starting to like Chelsie right when she has to leave.

Woop woop, now go read what Aubrey and Ashley have to say!

Wanna watch the Bachelor with me? Week 6

 Aubrey, Ashley and I are once again bringing you the best in Bachelor.

I miss Chris Harrison introducing the girls to their hotel room.

So many of the girls are upset that Andi gets her first one on one before they get their second.  I can understand that this is a difficult situation, but fair is fair girls.

1x1 with Andi
I believe that this is the first one piece swimsuit that has ever been on the Bachelor.  I honestly thought they weren't allowed.

I'm getting claustrophobic just watching this. 

If a guy really planned these dates, all of the New Zealand dates would be Lord of the Rings themed. 

Andi doesn't care that her dinner got ruined.  She that's the difference between dating and marriage.  I would be pissed if my dinner got ruined.  I'm thinking about eating another dinner just to make up for Andi's missed meal.

Basically Andi wouldn't mind being homeless as long as she was in love.

Group Date
My grandparents used to live in New Zealand and I never went to visit them, but my cousin and I started planning a trip and zorbing was definitely on our list of things to do. 

When they exit the giant hamster ball, it looks like they're being born.  Ew.

Oh shoot, they totally pulled in Lord of the Rings.

"How do you think I'm feeling?"  Sharleen is preparing Juan Pablo for marriage.

Cassandra goes on and on about what a great guy Juan Pab is.  I'm guessing last weeks episode could change her mind. . .

Oooh kay, Cassandra goes home.  When they alluded to it I was worried it was Renee.

1x1 with Clare
Juan Pablo puts a blanket down on a field of ROCKS.  Why would they want to sit there????

Clare is talking in a sweet baby voice, that means she feels the opposite of what she's saying. "I totally understand" means "I will cut you".

"I like listening to you" means, Juan Pablo is only picking up every third word of this monologue.

Cocktail Party/Rose Ceremony
Nikki can't explain why she likes Juan Pablo.  That is a problem.  It reminds me of this:

Mad props for Chelsie and Kat for being so nice to each other during this tense time.

Chelsie explains the word "frazzled" and I'm thinking third graders could learn a lot of vocabulary words from this episode.  But obviously third graders shouldn't be watching. . .

I mean, are we really paying Chris Harrison to fly to these places just to say "this is the final rose, when you're ready."???  Because I feel like we deserve more hosting for our money. 

And it's Kat that is forced to take a moment and say her goodbyes.

Once again, this post brought to you by Aubrey, Ashely and ME!!! 

Wanna watch the bachelor with me? Week 5

Despite the fact that the previews gave almost everything away, I'm super excited to watch the Bachelor again this week!  If you write a post about it, make sure you link up with us!!  (Us meaning, Ashley, Aubrey and ME!)

Juan says, One of this could be my wife.  Keep those English lessons going, Juannie

Leave it to the Bachelor to make me want to travel to Vietnam.

Holy scarves with tank tops.  I cannot wear scarves (with or without tank tops) because my neck gets SO HOT.  But that is neither here nor there.

1x1 with Renee
Juan Pablo is pushing Renee in a baby stroller.

I think Renee is perfect for JP, but I worry he's going to pick someone more like Sharleen, who wants totally different things out of life than him but is more exciting.  Renee and JP might just be comfortable, but that goes a long way in life once sparks have faded.

For Camilla they got a little dress.  I got almost that same dress in Fiji, so that tells you how authentic it is.

JP says about Renee: She looks good on those dress.

Renee thanks Juan Pab for the dinner, as if he made it.  

Group Date (OR 8 girls and a 1x1 with Clare) 
So they just wander into a random house to eat dinner?  Actually I think they just got hired as day laborers. 

I don't like Kelly for Juan Pablo, but I think she would be a fun girl friend for me!  She's funny. 

Who is this Allie person they just showed talking to the camera???

Adam calls Clare Giada Jr.  I don't think that's very nice to Giada.

Okay, off the wall question.  Do you think they have just one of those little black trays that the rose sits on?  Like maybe someone's job is to pack it up really safely while they travel around the world.  Maybe they have back ups.

Do you know when a baby giraffe is born?  No Clare, no, I don't know about zoo animals giving birth.

1x1 with Nikki 
Nikki's Katniss braid makes her look very young.

Adam thinks the last two standing will be Nikki and Clare.  Well, he says Jessica Simpson and Giada Jr, but I know what he means.

So evidently Nikki wrote "deep dark holes" on the biggest fears section of her bachelor application.

Nikki repeats what generations of bachelorettes have all recited on the show, that going down a deep dark hole is a lot like falling in love. 

When deciding to date someone with a child, Nikki says she really sat down and really thought about it. Really really, really really.

Have you ever stuck your finger in a light socket?  It does not feel like falling in love.  At all.

Cocktail Party/Rose Ceremony
Juan Pablo says he hasn't spoken Spanish in a long time.  If he forgets his Spanish, what on earth will he be left with?

Blah blah blah drama with Clare.  Because I have kids, I'm skipping my opinions on that one.

Nothing makes a moment more awkward than someone pointing out that it's awkward.  That one is on you Cassandra.

Chris Harrison always points out the worst part of the evening and then says "but that's a good thing".  Like if two girls got in a horrible cat fight, he would say, I know how serious you're taking this, and that's a good thing.

Oh my gosh, Renee already has a rose.  I forgot and I was freaking out that he hadn't called her name by the final rose.

Wow, if Juan Pablo is already crying at this point, there will be no escaping the Mesnick!!!

And that is a wrap.

Sleeping with my lap top by my bed so I can read what Ashley and Aubrey wrote first thing in the morning!  (except they don't post at 6am!  Get on it ladies!!)

Wanna watch the Bachelor with me? Week 4

Happy Tuesday!  Did everyone catch the wedding on Sunday?  So beautiful and definitely "grown sexy".  I honestly spent too much time pondering what that could mean, and I finally decided that she meant "sophisticated and sexy" because that's what her wedding looked like to me.  This would be opposed to "trashy sexy" like a strip club.

Here's to hoping that this season will also result in a gorgeous grown sexy wedding.  Probably not, but it's still fun to watch. (And even more fun to read what Aubrey and Ashely have written!)

Random girl: Korea?  I don't even have a kimono!
Me: Bummer!  You can't go.  Kimonos are required. 

As Juan Pablo talks about loving new food and new travel, he's shaking his head "no".  And then he says he can't wait for the girls to get here and he's still shaking his head "no".  Maybe that means something different in South America?

Group Date
Andi says she's hoping she's on the one on one date, which honestly is a shock to me.  Most girls just dream about the group dates, because they're all here to make friends.

Nikki doesn't like to share.  My daughter like to share either.  Nikki can come over and they can learn together.

How many Rock Stars did Kat drink during the van ride???

Oh shoot.  Juan Pablo and I have the same pants.  Who am I embarrassed for, him or me?  (him)  And now that I look at him closer, I think I have that same jacket too.  I'll have to do a fashion post inspired by JP.  Who knew?

You can tell how famous they are because they're performing at a mall??  I've been in fashion shows at a mall, but I'm guessing you've never heard of me.

Nikki says she feels good about meeting Camilla PLUS she's a great diaper changer.  If JP's FOUR YEAR OLD DAUGHTER is still in diapers, he has bigger problems than finding a wife.

Elise says Nikki is negative.  ELISE says that.  ELISE. 

Sharleen 1x1
JP says right out that Sharleen is his favorite, which kinda makes me think that she wont be the last one standing, or they would have edited that out.

Sharleen is starting to be fun!!!  I'm actually starting to like her.  And is it just me, or does Korea make her hair look awesome?!?!?

Sharleen gets a rose and I'm surprised I haven't written more comments.  I will for sure make up for it with the remaining dates.

Group Date #2
Clare says she didn't know what the building was because she "couldn't read Korean", so I'm wondering if she can now.

I suddenly have a huge craving for octopus and I'm not totally sure if I've even had it before.

Every time I see Kelly talk I want to know if she's getting enough sleep, because she looks like she's about to doze off.

The most I've ever loved Kelly is when she and Andi roll play Clare and Juan P. 

Cocktail Party/Rose Ceremony
Here goes Clare saying the same things about her dad again.  Maybe she doesn't remember having this conversation with him once already.

Nikki tells Clare, "You're not handing out the roses" and that is the best come back I have maybe ever heard on this show.

Do the producers tell the girls who have roses, "hold them just under your chin like a creepy four-year-old"?

Roses go to:
Lawyer Andi
Opera Singer
Nurse Nikki
Mama Renee
Young Chelsie
Dog Lover Kelly
Curly Hair Danielle
NBA Dancer Cassandra
Allison (I'm not sure I know anything about her)
Clare with no I
Rock Star Kat

Going home:
Lauren S
Elise, who is much older and wiser than Chelsie

Elise calls the girls negative.  I can't wait for her to watch this back. 
Lauren says she feels like she's ready for love.  Too bad the show isn't called "Are you ready for love?" 

And that's a wrap!  Time to finish cleaning the kitchen and go to bed.  I need sleep because I'm not kidding when I say I'm going to check Ashley and Aubrey's blogs first thing in the morning.

Wanna watch the Bachelor with me? Week 3

Woot woot, it's the Bachelor.  Aubrey, Ashley and and I writing all about it again!

Chris Harrison is trying to be cool with this new look but, if you're going to change something up Chris, why not change up the script? 

Cassandra 1x1
I hope Juan Pab's car turns into a boat, transformer style.  SHUT UP, it did.  I thought these things were only in cartoons.

(Back at the house Elise tells Renee how her mom is the reason she's here and that it's destiny and Renee hugs her and thinks "Oh that is so sweet, but I don't really care because I'm not going down with out a fight so. . . ")

Cassandra hasn't had a first date since she was 18.  She mentioned it like ten or eleventy times. 

Juan Pab: What I like about Cassandra is she's a mom, she's a great mom, she's a good mom, she's a female mom, she's a woman mom. . . SO MANY CHARACTERISTICS!!!

Group date
I zone out during the soccer game part.  Because I don't like watching professional sports all that much, and I certainly don't like watching girls play when they have no idea what they're doing.

When ever someone sprays champagne I cringe a little.  Isn't that making everything all sticky???

Nikki says to the camera: I want the rose, but there's other girls that want the rose too.  (Wow, someone has been watching past seasons!!)

The girls see Juan Pablo kiss Sharleen and they freak out.  WHAT!!!!  Juan Pablo is kissing other girls?!?!?!  This is MADNESS.

And Adam was right, Nikki get's the rose, even with out making out.  Adam says he is wise beyond his years.  Ooooo kay Adam, you can think that. 

Chelsie 1x1
Elise keeps talking about how young Chelsie is, and yet she's the one gossiping like a 6th grader so. . . 

Elise thinks some girls are just YOUNG.  And I think some girls are just ANNOYING.

Jumping off a bridge has nothing to do with trusting Juan Pablo.  Did he build it?  Did he make the harness?  The rope???  No.

And I skipped over the "private concert" because ABC has reached their limit and I no longer acknowledge them. 

Breakfast/pool party
All I want to know is if ABC will be posting the recipe on their website.  Because that looks goooooood.

The curse of the first date has definitely hit Clare.

Renee is the sweetest.  She helps everyone. I want to be friends with her and I wouldn't say that about many of the girls on the Bachelor.  This just in, her tweets are protected.  This makes me like her even more, but why can't I follow you?????  Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

Rose Ceremony
I just want Elise to go home and then I will be content with this week's episode.

So Kelly is still bringing the dog to the rose ceremonies? 

The resident nudist goes home and so does some blonde girl I don't know.  They take a moment and say their goodbyes. #ThingsChrisHarrisonSays

Lots of drama this week!  I can't wait to read what Aubrey and Ashley have to say about it.  I love love love reading posts about the bachelor, so link yours up so I can read it toooooo!

Do you want to watch the Bachelor with me? Week 2

It's Bachelor time again already?!?!?  I guess that's what I get for doing my post last week four days late!  Ha!!

Teaming up with Aubrey and Ashley.  You know the drill.  Also!  Did you know we were doing a link up?  If you like to blog about the bachelor link your post because the only thing I like more than blogging it, is reading other blogs about it!! 

I was worried that when Kylie and Lauren went home last week that we would be losing the crazy.  Just watching the intro it is clear that other girls were more than willing to step up.

One on one with Clare
Juan Pablo seems to be taking Clare to a Christmas tree farm. I hope they re-enact the opening scene from Christmas Vacation. 

"You taste like snow"  So. . . water? 

Usually the date takes them to a live concert and then a hot tub.  Tonight they went in reverse, which made me feel cold.  I had to get a blanket just to watch it.

One on one with Kat
It's a jet, also known as "The Bachelor Special".

Eeee!!!  Salt Lake City!  Thanksgiving Point is like 10 minutes away from my house.  So, cool.

Running a crazy 5k with glow in the dark clothes would certainly be a memory, but probably not the best get to know you date.

Group Date
What is it about a group date that causes the girls to scream at random every few minutes?

Photo shoot for a good cause?  I've seen this episode before.

Next season I want the blue beard guy to be the bachelor.

Holy dogs!  I hope the girl who is the official "dog lover" made it on to this date.

Someone put makeup on Renee and. . . no.  She's soooo pretty with out it.  I'm not buying it.

I think Andi should just walk away from the photo shoot.  I know I would respect a girl way more for not getting naked.  But then, I am a little bit of a feminist. 

Victoria wants to leave but they wont let her leave with out shoes.  Lucy could have gotten away with it.

Kelly gets the rose and she deserves it for the crazy bald dog costume she had to wear.  I don't think she'll be around for too much longer, but she was a good sport about that paint.

Victoria totally acted mature like someone ready to be a step-mom.  #psych

Cocktail Party
Amy loved the way her name rolled off his lips.  All one syllable of it.

Sharleen says she was ungracious when she was given the rose.  I think she read my blog post on Friday!!

I think the stems on these roses are three feet long. 

Girls keep getting roses and I swear I've never seen them before.

Ladies, Juan Pablo, this is the final rose tonight.  When you're ready.  (I typed this before Harrison even said it, because I like to feel psychic)

Picking my top four was hard.  I mean, he probably couldn't pick his top four this early on!  That being said, I bit the bullet and picked.

My top 4
Andi
Renee
Niki*
Cassandra

*Adam also picked Niki and he prides himself on always picking the winner. **

**I think he picked the winner once.

Link your bachelor post and check out what Aubrey and Ashley have to say!

Do you want to watch the Bachelor with me? Week 1

 Blogging The Bachelor again with Aubrey and Ashley!!

Five minutes in and I'm already gagging a little.  You see, romance is not my thing.  I watch this show more to mock it than anything. 

Meeting the women
I wrote notes about each woman, but when I went back I couldn't remember what the heck I was talking about with most of them.  I kept a few.

Kristy says she wouldn't be here if it was anyone else.  That is totally FALSE.

Green dress girl, Bringing something for the daughter.  I bet four other girls will do this also.

Nurse Betty, the heart beat thing was pretty original.  Props for that.

Lucy looks like a flower child.  And while she's probably the coolest of all of them, she'll probably go home tonight.  Cool doesn't get you as far as blonde and dumb does on this show.

Chelsie's chemistry joke didn't seem to cross the language barrier.  Juan Pablo looks confused.  Or maybe it was just that dumb of a joke.

Elise: We have so many things in common!!  Like we both breathe air, and we both have eyes!  I could go on and on.

Ashley is a first grade teacher and long time smoker. 

Kylie looks like she took her dress from a Barbie dress up box. 

Sharleen seems very stand off ish.  She's an opera singer.  She's going to sing right now.  Oh good, she's not.

Cocktail Party
Juan Pablo looks like he's going to get trampled by girls fighting over him.

Juan Pablo has a photo booth in the mansion.  Yeah, he set that up.  After showering and putting on that suit he sat and cut out all of those props. 

Lucy: The girls who are going to go home are the girls that don't say "Bam, I'm here, I'm Lucy."
Me: Well considering you're the only Lucy there, they would be lying if they said that was their name.

Lucy said she's just a drifter, and I totally got that from the first time I saw her.

Here goes massage girl.  If she gets sent home, I was right.  She's bad at this.

These girls are straight up freaking out about the first impression rose.  Have they never seen the show before????

Lauren says she deserves the rose because her love life is so horrible.  Maybe she should look up the word "deserve" in the dictionary.

Southern Accent says that it isn't just a rose, it's her future.  That rose is one step closer to finding her husband.  She clearly doesn't follow the past bachelors and their women.

Lauren is making the face that says "I'm going to be the person that makes a scene tonight!  ABC loves me for bringing in the ratings!"

And now she's crying!!  Heck yes!  I love when they cry over a guy they said five words to.  They are so worried about being liked they don't even stop to wonder if they would like him back!  I've never had alcohol before, so someone enlighten me, are they crying so easily because they've been drinking too much?

Sharleen doesn't seem to want the first impression rose!!  I'm impressed that she is actually thinking for herself.  But she's not very gracious about it.

Rose Ceremony
This must be the hardest one for him because I'm sure it's practically impossible to remember names at this point.

Kelly accepts the rose on behalf of her and HER DOG???  "We will"  Oh dear, this is awkward.

Oh my gosh!!  Poor Kylie.  I really want her to go home, but that was just embarrassing. 

I am surprised that Lucy the free spirit got a rose.  I guess there is something to be said for standing out.

Kylie said she could really picture her life with Juan Pablo, and then she could picture it even more AFTER SHE MET HIM.  Never, ever, EVER picture your life with someone you don't actually know (unless it's for fun or something.  A little celebrity crush never hurt anyone.)  That is just a recipe for weirdness.

Lauren, if you don't want people to feel sorry for you, quit crying about your broken engagement to strangers.  Just sayin'.

And well, that wraps it up.  Check out Aubrey and Ashley like I'm about to do also, because I've been avoiding Bachelor posts all week!  Time to indulge.  I promise I'll get funnier.  I'm just off my groove. 

Coming Soon!!! (And a little bit of bragging)

Do you know what tonight is!?!?!?!  Well, it's the national championship college football game.  At least that is what the birthday boy will be watching at my house tonight.  You don't mess with birthdays.  But it's also the first day of the Bachelor!!!!  Thank goodness for DVR and Hulu.  I bet it has saved a lot of marriages.  JK, if you get divorced over TV there was probably more problems going on. 

BUT anyway, Aubrey and I are back!!!  Blogging the Bach!!!  This time with another one of our blogging friends Ashley from A Cute Angle.

Look, we know you watch it.  We know you don't want us to give you the play by play about what happened.  We're just here to give you the snarky commentary, the things you would gab about with your girl friends if you were all watching it together.  That is pretty much the only reason I would do this again, because it is a HUGE commitment!  You wouldn't think it would be, but it is. 

Because of family in town, Adam's birthday and WWYD post on Wednesday, this weeks commentary will be coming to you on Friday.  So I'm definitely missing the SEO boat on that one I'm sure, but I really do this for fun more than anything :)

Speaking of Adam's birthday, I made his birthday cake for the first time ever (his mom usually buys one and I just don't see the need for multiple birthday cakes.  I'm such a fun suck) yesterday and my grandma took a bite and said "This is not a boxed cake!"  And it WAS.  I made Mix and Match Mama's Mississippi Mud Cake and it went over very well.  I highly recommend it.  And now I want to make them ALL!!!!!  (She has 100 variations of the same cake) 

In fact the leftovers are on the fridge right now. . .  so. . . . see ya later.

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Finale!!!

Can you believe it's finally here?  Aubrey and I are about to post the final bachelorette post.  So get ready for the most dramatic blog post of the summer. (Chris Harrison told me I could say that even if I really meant "boring")

Des says she wants to go home, and Chris H. (for Host or Harrison, you decide!) says he understands, but gently reminds her that according to her contract she has to stay.  They cut that part out.

Chris says how much she chooses to share with the remaining two men is up to her.  Actually it's up to ABC.  Nice try though. (Hint: Tell them everything now so it's not a surprise later!)

Chris explains to the remaining men that "Brooks is not with us."  The men aren't sure if he left or if he died. 

I'm pretty sure I want to skip over the Bachelor Nation weighing in.  I read twitter, I don't think they can say anything I haven't heard.  Skip.

Des breaks up with Drew and. . . what else is there?  Does she run away with Chris?

Des is glad she didn't walk away and give up on love.  Leaving the show is "giving up on love"?   Someone should tell Des how everyone else falls in love.

Des: All of the poems?  No!  (I feel the same way, Des.)

Des's father asks "Why should Desiree choose you?"
Chris: Why?  Because I'm the only guy left. . . and I write horrible poems.

Des was unsure that she wanted her brother there.   But that was a requirement for her being signed as the Bachelorette so she allowed it.

Des might be "listening" to her brother's advice, but she really looks like she wants to punch him in the face.

Chris H. says: It could be the greatest day of her life or it could be the worst.
One thing I love about Chris H is that he's never extreme.

And as I watch the proposal, I have to say that despite this being an incredibly boring season it has wrapped up and ended in a way that I find sincere and moving.

They always do.

And for the final time, here's Aubrey and what she has to say!

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Finale Part 1

Only one week left after today!  What are Aubrey and I going to blog about when this is over???

Here we go guys, the most dramatic finale ever.  Who do you think will leave Des in tears?  They sure edited it to look like Brooks, but I think they're trying to trick us.  Except they know that by now we have learned their ways and so they are telling the truth thinking we'll expect a trick! (They don't know that we know they know we know!)  So yeah, I think about this too much.

So of course we recap Des's feelings for all the guys and she still seems the most interested in Brooks.

Des says about Brooks: He doesn't have to say that its love for me to know.
Wow, the things we women tell ourselves when we want so badly for something to be true.

Drew's Date
Drew: She's the woman of my dreams and Antigua is like heaven.
Does he know he only gets the girl at the end?  I mean, she doesn't live here.

Des: It started to rain on our dinner.  It's not about the dinner or where the dinner is.
I'm suddenly hungry, despite just finishing my food.

Drew says: Look at the rose petals.
And I have to wonder, has he ever seen this show before?
#TheyAllHaveRosePetals

Brooks visits family
Brooks says proposing at the end of this makes him uncomfortable.  You're kidding me.  Proposing a life long commitment at the end of a ten week reality show makes you uncomfortable?  Geeze Brooks welcome to the 2000s.

Chris's Date
Des's fringe vest and pants makes her look like a hippie.  Who wears a bikini top with pants?  Is it cold, is it hot?  Are you hiking through brush later?

What animal is making this horrible sound during dinner?!  Good heavens can we not edit that out???

Des makes Chris feel vibrant and feel alive.  She makes him feel like a natural woman.

Poetry, yes, I've been waiting for this moment.  In my nightmares.

Brooks
Des says she's going to take advantage of her time with Brooks today.  Just remove the words "her time with" out of that sentence and it will probably portray her true feelings more accurately.  

Does Chris Harrison have a degree in relationship therapy?  He should get one.

Whoa, Chris just brings up Brooks's parent's divorce.  Way to pull out the big guns.

Hey!  Editors!  Did we have to see this much of the Brooks/Chris Harrison chat?  I feel like they're saying the same things over and over.

Des says she hasn't been in love in quite a while.  How long ago was Sean's season again?

My guess?  He changes his mind shortly after this but they can't show it until next week.

Or I don't know, maybe that's my hope.

As always, check out what Aubrey has to say about tonight's episode.  Was it really that dramatic????

*     *     *

I'm also over at my friend Suzzie's blog today!  We met at my first blogging round table and I have loved reading her blog ever since.

Oh shoot guys, I'm going to have to change the date for our "Easy as PB&J" link up.  I wrote that blurb on the bottom of last Wednesday's post anticipating a conversation with my friend Tiffanie, but we haven't worked out all the details yet.  So hold on to your lunch idea posts!  I will give more info soon!!!!

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Week Men Tell All

Here we go blogging the bach again!  Aubrey told me she's mixing up her post this week.  I don't know what that means, but I'm excited to check it out!

I'm kind of unsure how this post will shake out since it's Men Tell All, but let's just jump in and see how it goes, shall we?

Chris welcomes us all to the show and manages to use pretty much every vocab word from my Bachelor vocabulary list (here). 

Fun to see some of my favorite girls back!  Emily!  Ali (she was my favorite on Jake's season) and Ashley!

Yes, Ali, Ben never seemed that bad to me either.  But we need our drama and this season has been seriously lacking, so we make things up. 

Ah Jonathan, he acted poorly and I'm sure that it has been rubbed in his face a lot since the show aired. I'm thinking his apology here is sincere, but also a strategic move to fix his reputation.

With all these flash backs there isn't much to say that I didn't already say in my original posts.

Okay so booing Ben?  That's just so dumb.  Are you in jr high?  Yeah, they probably just tape this in a jr high auditorium for one of their assemblies. 

Mikey the meat head, he uses some seriously great vocabulary.  #MaybeNotAMeatHeadAfterAll

I think I need to add "I'm not here to make friends" to my Bachelor vocabulary list.  The "bad guys" always say it.

I can't wait to hear the story about Mikey and James hanging out in Chicago with tall women.  Again.

I just love the boys sitting on their twin beds having slumber party gossip about James.  And then Drew is going to talk about maturity? 

Look, we're not ever going to know who said what about what tall women.  Des is probably going to be single again in three months anyway so this is a moot point. (Trivia: a moo point.  Who says that?)

I know it's a little late, but I've become a big Juan Pablo fan.  Next bachelor maybe?  He says it's very hard to date when you have a daughter.  I have a feeling that this will no long be the case, Juan Pab. 

I like him so much now.  ABC, if you can get this happily married woman excited about another guy (not like that, sheesh) you should make him the next Bachelor.  Seriously, please, this show is dying!

Ooh, Chris has the journal.  Does this mean Des is having Chris return it for her?  And the poem?  Did Des know Zak was a poet?  Maybe that would have changed things.  Oh listen to me, I'm going against everything I stand for!  Nothing would have changed it, you love who you love.

Having to face a bunch of ex boyfriends would be my own personal hell.  But if you got them all together in a room there would only be like two.  Still, it would be awful.  

Juan wants to know why didn't get a one on Juan date.  Probably because she was too busy sketching to worry about brushing up on her high school Spanish.

Zak!  Juan!  Two great options for bachelors.  ABC, are you listening!!?!?!!

Well, Zak will not have a hard time finding love after this.  Or a music career.

When they show the "dramatic" finale I love the stunned faces in the audience.  This is clearly the first season of the Bachelor/ette they have ever seen.  Us veterans are like, "is that all ya got?"

Woop woop, only two more weeks!  I'm off to read Aubrey now (well, not now because it's 9pm on Monday and I'm sure she hasn't posted it yet, but now as in this moment in which you are reading it)

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Week 8

Hometowns this week!!!  Aubrey and I both live in Salt Lake so to say we're excited about a potential hometown in our own hometown would be an understatement!  Let's hope that Brooks doesn't let us down like Jef did and take Des to a hidden family ranch in another city.

Zak's Hometown
You can tell from Des's excited face/voice that she has no idea what Zak is describing from his dream.  No one does, Des, no one does.

Zak drives a snow cone truck?????  I just fell in love with him. 

Oh dear, the penguine is cute from my safe chair in my living room, but masks scare the freaking heck out of me in person.  I would have had a melt down right in front of the kids.

Zak is more tan (tanner?) than his sister.  #orange

I love that they're actually eating.  I feel like we never see them actually eat dinner!

I can't help but think his family is hoping to get a reality TV show out of this when they start singing like the Von Trapps.

Zak gave a journal and now the locket with the ring!?!?!  He's like the best gift giving boyfriend ever. (Sorry babe)

And THAT is going to be a hard date to top my friends.

Drew's Hometown
Drew says his family has never seen him like this before.  I'm assuming it's because he usually dates men.  (Sorry!  I've been thinking it for so long, I couldn't not say it any longer!)

The sweetness of Des meeting Melissa brings tears to my eyes.

Ever since Sean's hometown with Emily, nieces and nephews are trying to get famous.  Drew's are cute though.

He hasn't said those "three magical words in that order" yet.  He has said "Love you I" and "You I love" but we all know that isn't the same.

Drew's "I love you" is one of the less awkward I love yous of the season. (I'm looking at you, Chris)

Drew says next time he sees his family he will be an engaged man.  I think he meant he would be engaged to a man.  (Sorry last one I promise!!)

Chris's Hometown
Chris should wear baseball Ts more often.  This is the first time I have found him attractive.

His dad starts spouting poetry.  So it runs in the family I see.

OMG, I would marry into a family with a chiropractor.  I don't know why everyone thinks this is weird. 

Chris says he can see himself with her.  That's because he photo shopped their pictures together on his computer.

Chris tells his mom, It's not the real world, but we hug.  I don't have anything to say about this, it was just a weird comment is all.

Brooks's Hometown
Here's where Adam (my husband) made a smoothie.  No DVR means I missed this part, so I hope it wasn't important!

So, Brooks has wine?  I thought his family was Mormon?  Maybe it's just for him and Des.

All my excitement and I miss it all because of a smoothie!  (Just kidding I saw most of it I just didn't have much to say about it.  Oops)

Back in LA/Rose Ceremony
Des's brother just seems like a jerk.  She can say he has her best interest at heart all she wants, but it sure looks like he's just playing up his own insecurities.

Eek!  I honestly have no idea who she's going to send home.  The Bachelorette rarely surprises me, so well played ABC, well played.

Des says there's nothing holding me back from finding my husband, and we see her brother creepily peering around a corner.  This is starting to look like a murder mystery.

Break ups are so draining.  I can't imagine doing so many in such a short period of time.

Roses go to:
Brooks
Chris
Drew

Going home: Zak.  I'm floored.  I guess of all the guys they maybe had a lesser connection, but his hometown date was just SO AWESOME.  Zak, are you confused?  I'm right there with you bro.

I'm excited to see what Aubrey said!  Go check her out too!!

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Week 7

I had to remind myself I was excited to watch this week.  But like I told Aubrey last week, previews always look more interesting than they are.  I'd hate to find out that all the drama is about a sandwich.

Drew confirms that this is a place for falling in love, which leaves us all breathing a sigh of relief!  Maybe someone could provide us with a list of places that aren't good for falling in love, you know just so we can avoid them.

Catherine passes on Sean's good wishes and Des says "that's so nice."  Which roughly translated means "I hate his guts" in ex girlfriend.

1x1 Brooks
I've noticed that Brooks hasn't had the traditional freak out that most first one on oners have.  That bodes well for him I think.

Des wants to see where he's at, and let him know where she is.  I think they're going to look at maps.

Just waiting for someone to say "cloud nine".  Op!  There it is.

Back at the hotel Chris smells the envelope as if Des actually delivered it herself.  Silly boy, Des probably didn't even choose the words and that certainly isn't her handwriting. 

They've shown close ups on several cats.  Is that something Madeira is known for or. . . ?

There's cloud nine again.

I really hope Aubrey is counting the times they use the word "family" in this conversation about hometowns.  On that note, I'm glad no one sits around and counts my words.  I probably say "freak" and "dude" a lot more than I care to admit.

1x1 Chris
Chris is really really really excited.  I think it would be fin to buy the bachelor/ette contestants a thesaurus next season instead of jewel toned hoodies. 

I'm remembering when I rode a boat to a smaller island on my honeymoon, and how it was nothing like this.  Mostly I got sprayed with water and a little sea sick.

They write a poem and Chris says, "It's not too bad." Chris, it's not too good either.

They throw the bottle out into the waves.  No one burst their bubble, but I can almost guarantee you that bottle smashed on the jagged rocks with in fifteen minutes.

Des: I want like three kids.  I don't have a number on it.
Even Olivia (my two-year-old) knows three is a number.

More poetry.  Ugh.  You know what?  Chris has to be the one she picks in the end because other wise his cheesy poetry would have gotten him sent home weeks ago.  You remember this?  Watch it.  It's pretty intense stuff.


1x1 Michael G
Do we still have to call him Michael G now that Mikey is gone?  Probably not.

Des is embarrassed to say that they are exploring the city.  It's easily the third "exploring" date of the season.  So she says they're going to take in the culture and take in everything Madeira has to offer.  But then yeah, she admits it's basically exploring.

Micheal looks like his mom scrubbed him up and dressed him for church in seersucker.  He seems to be missing his bow tie though.

Des makes Michael feel like he can love again.  I've seen this movie before.

2x1 Zak and Drew
Zak says he's ready to race.  And I'm wondering how much money he spends on whitening his teeth each month.

It's a race!  (name that movie)

Drew continues to remind us he's never felt this way before.  He's like 90% sure it's love, but there's always the chance it could be something he ate.

Zak says he doesn't know where he would meet the next girl if Des doesn't choose him.  I suggest twitter.

Discussion with Chris Harrison/Rose Ceremony
Chris points out that Des has never been to Europe AGAIN.  He might as well say, "You grew up really poor." (I'm not saying you're poor if you've never been to Europe, but they just like to keep pointing that out this season, ya know.  For the record, I have never been to Europe.)

So there is like ten minutes of this show left and no drama.  What were we seeing on the previews last week?  Will it all go down during these last ten minutes?

Des hands out the roses, no one cries, Michael is very understanding and quite the gentleman. . . did Olivia step on the remote and change the channel?  I don't think this is the Bachelorette.

Next week, hometowns!  Only two of my four picks will be making it, Zak and Brooks.  Aubrey did better and she has three of her picks making it, Brooks, Drew and Chris.  Dang it, I knew Chris would go far I just didn't want to admit it!

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Week 6

Week 6 already?  This season is just flying crawling by.  Aubrey was a champ to let me change the post to Wednesday again, since we were driving home on Monday evening from California.  Next week she'll be flying to (or home from?) California!  So look for our posts on Wednesday again :)

Des says Barcelona is the perfect place to fall in love.  Wasn't Munich the perfect place to fall in love? 

Michael G says who ever is on the date with Des needs to tell her about James's evil plot.  He's better hope it's not him, because he's one tattle away from a flight back home.

1x1 with Drew
Drew tells Des about his father's struggle with alcoholism and cancer.  While I truly feel for Drew, I can't help but wonder what Des told casting about the type of guy she goes for. "Just make sure they have like a really horrible home life because I like fixing broken people." 

Drew and Des go through a tiny door in an alley way and Drew says, "It's just the two of us." And all the guys with the cameras and all the people telling us what to say.

Drew grabs Des and they run through the streets away from the cameras.  Suddenly it's like I'm watching a real life Truman Show as they try to escape from this horrible fake dating life they've been living. . .

Perfect timing with the James information.  Wait until you have a rose for sure, and then tattle on the boys in the house.  Michael G all the boys should learn from this. 

Group Date
Des's green top is hurting my eyes.

When the guys all start singing Ole! all together I feel like they are boys at summer camp.

Juan Pablo.  Ah, that guys makes me laugh.  She's athletic and looks fantastic so she's perfect for me.  Few American men would admit that, but most would probably think it. 

The boys sure are using the word "we" a lot.  We scored, we're going to win.  I think they need to replace "we" with "Juan Pablo".

James is a terrible goalie.  He's not even TRYING.  I mean, standing still his huge body blocks like half the net, he wouldn't have to move that much.

The guys confront James, but I'm bored and start reading some blogs, so I miss it, but I'm sure it was like every other bachelor confrontation ever.

So we're back from commercial and James is trying to explain why he said what he said aaaaaaaaand all he does is use the words "one on one date" like a thousand times and I have no idea what his point it.

I kind of can't wait to see what the guys say when James comes walking in the door and the end of the night.

1x1 with Zak
Zak's face when the nude model came in was awesome.  It's hard to say funny things about this date because Zak is already so funny.

"We're in a cave on a couch with candle light and it's just Des and I. . . " Zak just described like 50% of the bachelor hangout spots (the other 50% are blankets and pillows on sand, but they also include candle light)

Des asks Zak, "How was your childhood?"  I think she wants to know who messed him up and how he recovered from it.  Seems to be a theme with her type.

Meanwhile, back at the house James goes to talk to Drew and I'm worried for Drew's safety.

James and Des talk on the stairs and he sounds like a kid explaining his actions and ending with, "I've learned my lesson and my guilt is punishment enough.  Right?"  Wrong James.  Wrong.

Okay, so honestly.  This guy cheated on his college girlfriend.  And now this.  Why is this the hardest decision you've ever made????

The boys look over the ledge and see them cuddling.  Drew throws up in his mouth.

James comes back into the room and. . . you know what?  Something that has been bugging me, have you ever seen four guys cram onto one couch when they don't even want to be in the same room together?  Is this how they sit, hour after hour while they wait for their turn to see Des?

Gah!  Stop talking about this!  If Des picks James over you then what does that say about you?  Move on and focus on yourself.  Michael G should have learned this lesson by now. 

Rose Ceremony
Chris Harrison explains everything, who has roses, etc.  "I know you guys have just done the math," he says.  And yet he's going to remind us anyway.  Three roses remain.

Roses go to:
Drew (on his date)
Zak (on his date)
Chris
Brooks (duh)
and I know at this point my final four is broken because Kasey and Michael cannot both get a rose since there is only one left (Chris Harrison, I could have figured that out alone, but thank you for not making me)
Michael G

Bye bye:
Juan Pablo
James
#Kasey

I'm super interested to hear what Aubrey has to say because I struggled with writing this post!

Wanna watch the bachelorette with me? Week 5

Welcome to Kimberly and Aubrey Bachelorette thoughts!  Sorry we're a day later than usual.  It's my fault because I'm on VAY-CAY!  Just kidding, I don't really call it that.  I just say vacation like a normal person.

I watch the Bachelorette on Tuesday night, but I didn't read any tweets or blog posts about it.  So if what I wrote sounds like what you wrote, I promise I didn't steal it.  It's just that great minds thing going on. . .

So here we are in Munich Germany.  Des says Munich is so romantic.  What happened to the actual romantic cities, like Paris and Rome?  When it comes to the Bachelorette, they just throw that word around so willy nilly.

I feel like learning those phrases in German was like one of the hardest parts of Chris Harrison's job.

Date with Chris
Bryden's going to go home.  Is he going to interrupt the date???  That is rude, no matter what your reasons are.  I'm sure the producers put him up to this.  Don't lead her on for another second! they say.  They are WRONG.

Chris says he feels comfortable in short shorts and a lederhosen.  Oooooo kay. . .

Chris says, I don't think anything can go wrong.  Never say this on the Bachelorette!  Foreshadowing!!!

I love the dramatic music while Bryden is talking to Des so that way I know what I'm supposed to feel.

I'm liking Chris more during this date.  Looks like Aubrey was right and I was wrong. . . (check out Aubrey's top four at the end of this post and my top four here)

Des asks, What are you looking for?
Probably not a nanny for his kids, because this isn't Super Nanny.  It's the Bachelorette, sooooo, my guess is he's looking for a wife.

Chris is about to read her something.  Inwardly I gag.  I don't do romance.  I'm like a third grade boy in that way.

Chris says, You can get a lot from a kiss.
Yeah, like a cold sore.

There's more tonight than just dinner.  Private concert?  More private concerts this season than helicopters.

Group Date
Juan Pablo trying to say yoddler was awesome!

James says love is like sledding down a hill.  Because you push off and let yourself go.  It's like he's trying to write a college essay or something. 

Des says this is the happiest place on earth.  Since ABC is owned by Disney, I'm surprised that made it on to the show.  Actually, don't tell me you didn't think of Disneyland when she said that.  Maybe it was the smartest advertising ever. . .

We didn't see any one on one time with Des and Juan Pablo.  Probably because they didn't talk.

Two on One Date
Des suggests a polar bear plunge.  Neither of the guys dares to test the water, so she does it for them.  Send 'em both home! 

Michael uses his robe tie around his head.  Thus looking cool while at the same time allowing his robe to flap in the wind and show off his abs.  It's a win win, really.

This date is so uncomfortable I can't think of anything funny to say!

The boys back at home call James a fraud.  They know better!  They can't say that, they have to use the whole phrase "not here for the right reasons."  It's in their contract.

Des says she giving the rose to the one she can see a potential future with.  And with that being said, she calls for the dog, "Here boy, here boy."  No actually she gives it to Michael.  So my final four still stands!  Whew!  I was getting nervous.

Ben says this is the worst day of his life.  I believe him.  It's also the worst date of my life, and all I did was watch it.

Rose Ceremony
Drew seems to be experiencing a heart attack, because keeping James would be like the worst thing ever.

Roses go to: Zak attack, #Kasey, Pablo de Juan, Baby Jake Pavelka (aka Drew), and James the cancer.

Going home: Mikey the non meat head.  And Ben and Bryden as well.

Mikey says she missed out on a life with him of love and happiness.  He doesn't say spaghetti, but I bet there would be a lot of that too.  #mafia

Go check out Aubrey (which is what I'm about to do!) Until next week friends! 

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Week 4

Once again Aubrey and I are bringing you our life changing thoughts about the Bachelorette!  So much fun, we actually got together to watch it IRL!  And she brought snacks, so Adam thinks she's awesome.

Brad 1x1
Was there nothing good during the carnival portion of the date, or were my kids being crazier than normal and I missed it?

Check out this sand castle.  Best make out zone ever!

Aaaand boringest convo ever.

Des: I absolutely loved every single moment (except for the moments I didn't like so NO ROSE FOR YOU!)

Brad: I just want this to be the right decision for her. 
Finally, this guy knows what's up.  Not every person is going to be a perfect match.


Group Date
Michael G says he grew up dreaming of being Mr. America.  Please say he's being sarcastic and I just can't tell. 

The mayor is judging this pageant?!?!?!  Your tax dollars hard at work here.

I love that Brooks chose a lion as the animal he would be (no hesitation!)  I imagine his inner dialogue: What animal has the best hair. . .

Mikey T very eloquently states that he is not a meat head. There is more to him than just his body.  He has insides.

Kasey #tapdance

Mikey T does everything he can to prove that he's a meat head during the talent portion.

Zak is the only guy with a real talent.

Mikey T flexes during the swimsuit competition to he can prove again that he's a meat head. 

Brooks, 2nd runner up
Zak, 1st runner up (Zak!  I was a first runner up in my pageant too!  Solidarity man!)
Kasey #mramerica

Chris says, I write poetry
Des says, I do that!
Chris is thinking: I know, I stalked your facebook page.

James 1x1
While I'm all for giving service, this might possibly be the most depressing date ever.

Finally a couple that actually deserves a fairytale date!

And now we're watching what the bachelor would look like if they had a senior version.

Des: The fact that James is so honest. . . (um, he cheated?  Is that being honest???)

Private concert are the new helicopters.

Apparently admitting that you made a horrible decision makes you trustworthy.

Cocktail Party/Rose ceremony 
Michael G is giving her papers with letters on them as he compliments her.  Des says, Oh thank you!  A letter on a paper.  She's so good at being fake excited/interested.

Chris is not my fav, but it looks like he'll be here for a while.

Bryden is having a hard time with the situation?  Once again, people watch the show before you come.  Know what to expect!!

Going home:
Brad (during his 1x1 date)
Zack K.

All in all, I felt like the editing of this episode was really odd.  We didn't get much conversation time between Des and any of the guys.  Is it just me???

So Aubrey and I made our guesses for the hometown dates!  I'm posting hers, she's posting mine.  So head over to Aubrey's blog to see my picks!

Aubrey's Top 4
Drew, underdog
Brooks, because a SLC hometown. Plus their "amazing connection!"
Chris, not because I want him, but because I think he'll get a hometown
Kasey, because I can't pick a #4 and I'm obsessed with social media (aren't we all Aubrey???) #wildcard