Do you want to watch the Bachelor with me? Week 1

 Blogging The Bachelor again with Aubrey and Ashley!!

Five minutes in and I'm already gagging a little.  You see, romance is not my thing.  I watch this show more to mock it than anything. 

Meeting the women
I wrote notes about each woman, but when I went back I couldn't remember what the heck I was talking about with most of them.  I kept a few.

Kristy says she wouldn't be here if it was anyone else.  That is totally FALSE.

Green dress girl, Bringing something for the daughter.  I bet four other girls will do this also.

Nurse Betty, the heart beat thing was pretty original.  Props for that.

Lucy looks like a flower child.  And while she's probably the coolest of all of them, she'll probably go home tonight.  Cool doesn't get you as far as blonde and dumb does on this show.

Chelsie's chemistry joke didn't seem to cross the language barrier.  Juan Pablo looks confused.  Or maybe it was just that dumb of a joke.

Elise: We have so many things in common!!  Like we both breathe air, and we both have eyes!  I could go on and on.

Ashley is a first grade teacher and long time smoker. 

Kylie looks like she took her dress from a Barbie dress up box. 

Sharleen seems very stand off ish.  She's an opera singer.  She's going to sing right now.  Oh good, she's not.

Cocktail Party
Juan Pablo looks like he's going to get trampled by girls fighting over him.

Juan Pablo has a photo booth in the mansion.  Yeah, he set that up.  After showering and putting on that suit he sat and cut out all of those props. 

Lucy: The girls who are going to go home are the girls that don't say "Bam, I'm here, I'm Lucy."
Me: Well considering you're the only Lucy there, they would be lying if they said that was their name.

Lucy said she's just a drifter, and I totally got that from the first time I saw her.

Here goes massage girl.  If she gets sent home, I was right.  She's bad at this.

These girls are straight up freaking out about the first impression rose.  Have they never seen the show before????

Lauren says she deserves the rose because her love life is so horrible.  Maybe she should look up the word "deserve" in the dictionary.

Southern Accent says that it isn't just a rose, it's her future.  That rose is one step closer to finding her husband.  She clearly doesn't follow the past bachelors and their women.

Lauren is making the face that says "I'm going to be the person that makes a scene tonight!  ABC loves me for bringing in the ratings!"

And now she's crying!!  Heck yes!  I love when they cry over a guy they said five words to.  They are so worried about being liked they don't even stop to wonder if they would like him back!  I've never had alcohol before, so someone enlighten me, are they crying so easily because they've been drinking too much?

Sharleen doesn't seem to want the first impression rose!!  I'm impressed that she is actually thinking for herself.  But she's not very gracious about it.

Rose Ceremony
This must be the hardest one for him because I'm sure it's practically impossible to remember names at this point.

Kelly accepts the rose on behalf of her and HER DOG???  "We will"  Oh dear, this is awkward.

Oh my gosh!!  Poor Kylie.  I really want her to go home, but that was just embarrassing. 

I am surprised that Lucy the free spirit got a rose.  I guess there is something to be said for standing out.

Kylie said she could really picture her life with Juan Pablo, and then she could picture it even more AFTER SHE MET HIM.  Never, ever, EVER picture your life with someone you don't actually know (unless it's for fun or something.  A little celebrity crush never hurt anyone.)  That is just a recipe for weirdness.

Lauren, if you don't want people to feel sorry for you, quit crying about your broken engagement to strangers.  Just sayin'.

And well, that wraps it up.  Check out Aubrey and Ashley like I'm about to do also, because I've been avoiding Bachelor posts all week!  Time to indulge.  I promise I'll get funnier.  I'm just off my groove.