Worst. Date. Ever.

When I was writing about the bachelorette, I mentioned that Kalon reminded me of a guy I went out with in college.  Julia wanted to know the story, and I decided this story deserves to be its very own post.  I tell it to my classes all the time.  Everybody has the really awful date story that becomes more of a legend than a truth.  This is mine.

One morning my friend Charley took some graduation pictures for me.  (not a critical part of the story, but I needed a reason to put this picture on the blog.  I have a distinct memory of what I wore on that date and I feel like you needed to visualize it with me) Later when I was at home a cute boy in my apartment complex came over and asked to borrow some nail polish.  He explained it was great for marking parts on your engine, it wouldn't wear off as easily as other things.  I told cute boy yes.  He had a friend with him, but I didn't pay any attention to him.  They returned a few minutes later and cute boy said, "We have an extra ticket to see [some BYU folk dance performance].  Do you want to go?"  I said sure, he said be ready by 6.  So I was.  Only it wasn't cute boy that came to my door, it was friend.  I asked about cute boy.  Friend informed me he would not be joining.  I got the impression that this had always been the plan, they just didn't feel the need to tell me. . . first flag.

So Friend and I get into the car.  What are you majoring in?  Family and Consumer Science, I say.  You?  Well, I'm at UVU for a very exclusive pilot program.  It was quite obvious that he didn't want me to think he was not BYU material.  I'm sure he came from a long line of BYU grads and was so ashamed his interested pulled him away from the Lord's University.  Also, he added, I have several small businesses.  He listed about four or five.  I can't remember even one of them!

While we're sitting down he asks, How many kids in your family.  I'm the oldest of six, I say.  Wow!  Thats a huge family!  There's just me and my brother in my family.  We're very close.  As if my family was way too big to be close. 

So Kimberly, what instruments do you play, you know other than the piano?  At this point, he's been talking up stereo types of typical Utah girls and I knew this would fit right it with his idea of the "typical Mormon girl".  So I'm sorry to say, I lied.  Did I tell you I played the piano?  No, I just assumed.  Oh because I don't.  I play the guitar.  He was stunned.  And I was going to tell the truth, that I do play both the piano and guitar, but I play the guitar very badly.  But he was just so smug I though I would be forgiven for this small white lie.

After the show was over he took me to get dinner.  Things were about to get . . . weirder.  To be continued. . .

READ PART 2 HERE

Secrets of a School Teacher

I'm not a mom of teenagers.  Heck, my baby is barely one!  But over the last five years I have taught over 1500 teens (probably a low estimate!!) and they tell me things, things that would shock most of you (and that's probably what they were going for: shock).  And when you get to see that large of a sample, you see patterns.  So here is some advice for parents of teens.  At the very least, I want to remember it for when my kids are teens!  So if you don't want to listen, no hard feelings.  This can just be for me.

Help your girls have a good self esteem

Sometimes I freak out thinking about my students and worrying that my daughter will grow up to be just like them.  Their shirts are too low, their skirts are too short, their earrings and hair and nails too crazy.  But when I get to know the girls that cause these panic attacks, its easy to see the patterns.  They don't feel good about themselves, they need attention from boys to boost their feelings.  Some simple things you can do:

Tell them you love them.  Once a girl got a text in class.  Her eyes brimmed with tears and she looked at me and said, "My mom just said 'I love you," for the first time in two months."  No matter how much you fight with your kids or how rebellious they seem they just want your love.  I promise.  I have never heard a student tell me otherwise.

Show them they're important by being there for them.  One student had been in my classes for over two years.  I get these types, they click with me and take everything I offer.  I love it!  She stayed one day after school to make up a test.  She always complained about her mom not buying her enough things or not getting her the phone she wanted (even though she had a LOT of clothes and an iPhone even I couldn't afford).  But that day while she was in my class her mom called.  From what I heard I could tell her mom was calling to say she would not be coming home from her trip as soon as she planned.  My girl said, "You are my mom.  Do you know what moms do?  They help you and they're there for you.  You have a daughter!  You need to come home!"  It was so emotional I knew I never wanted my daughter to feel that way.

Show them they're important by setting limits and rules.  My first year of teaching I would visit with  my students during class, rotating through each desk off 6 students.  (I only taught in that room for one year, but I always missed the set up that allowed me to chat with all of my students easily) On one desk a girl was talking about tattoos and piercings.  "My parents would never let me do that," one girl said dejectedly.  The 15-year-old, who was the ringleader of this conversation, said "My dad will let me do anything.  He loves me."  This poor girl was searching for attention she didn't get at home.  She had to tell herself he loved her, because the only thing he did to show it was ignore her. 

All of my students are worthy of love.  The ones that dress in black and look extreme were maybe the most in need of it.  I can't think of a student that I got to know where I didn't find a soft loving heart deep (but not as deep as you think) inside. 

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Week 2

Let's just jump in, shall we?

Ryan's Date:

Emily's first date with Ryan kinda left me yawning.  I did not feel any chemistry between these two.  The best part of their date was when Emily said "But obviously I'll really be in charge."  That was the first comment I've heard from her that wasn't so syrupy sweet.  Why wouldn't Ryan answer the question???  How will he keep the romance alive once he's got the girl???  I'm not really a fan.

Why do the Bachelors always go on these private concert dates?  I can't think of anything more awkward than dancing while the band watches your every move.  But this time?  Even worse with all those "friends and family" of Emily's taking a million pictures with their iPhones.  Its the reason I made everyone else dance with me at my wedding.

Group Date

Kalon is annoying.  I'm not going to break down all his annoying comments.  I'm just not.

The "comedy" routine?  I don't know what Charlie was so scared of, he could not have done any worse than those two.  Maybe we didn't see the best part?  I have a feeling that we did.

"Roses are red, violets are blue.  Emily, I really want to get to know you." LAME.  I know, I know, you just came up with that on the spot.  But seriously, way to play it safe.

Jef: I think this was the best talk I've had with her yet.
Me: Out of how many?  TWO??? 

I do want to comment on one Kalon moment. 
Kalon: (in regards to getting interrupted by other guys) I'm a little more eloquent--and then I go gossip about it like a girl.

Joe's Date

So first off, I notice this guys eye brows are. . . too perfect?  I'm cool with a guy cleaning up his face a little, but be careful you don't look like my Ken doll.

And honestly that's all I've got for that one. 

Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony

When Dad #2 is talking to Emily, I have to laugh.  "I left him at home."  I guess it just seemed funny that he felt the need to emphasize that.

Oh Kalon, you remind me of a guy I went out with.  The only guy I ever refused to go out with again to his face.  "Mentally refreshed"?  Who says that???

There were some face in the rose ceremony that were new to me: Long hair (Michael) and 2 Studs (Alejandro)

In the end she sends Hipster Glasses home.  I want him to date my sister, but my husband says he's too old for her. 

Sean.  I like him.  My money is on Sean.  He'll lay low for a few episodes but then I bet they have a really great one on one and he at least makes it to hometowns.

Good grief I need a nap.  Yawn.

I just made the best black beans I've had since Cafe Rio!

Seriously, I just did.  Like I haven't even eaten them yet, because I just finished them.  But Olivia has and I tasted some of hers and I'm excited for my dinner now!  But I don't follow recipes.  And too often my awesome food adventures get forgotten because I don't remember what I did.  So before I forget even one little thing, I typing this up, and I might as well share!! 

If I took a picture of what mine looked like, you would never believe how good they taste. 

Black Refried Beans (loosely based on this recipe)

1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
1/2 onion, diced
1 vegetable broth bullion cube (or 1/2 of a Knorr brand cube, which is what I used)
about 1 cup water, divided
1/8 tsp garlic powder (I think.  Who knows for sure. . . )
Salt and pepper to taste

Cook onion with a about 1/4 c of water in a small saucepan.  While the onion cooks, add the bullion cube.  Stir occasionally, adding more of the water as necessary.  Add the black beans and mash them with a potato masher.  Add the remaining water, or as much as of the remaining water as you want (kinda depends on how thick you want your beans) Add garlic powder, salt and pepper to taste. 

Easy peasy lemon squeesy!

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Week 1 (and a day late!)

I know this is late.  I just couldn't stay up until 10 to watch it.  But I hate watching it alone, all of my witty sarcasm and biting remarks going to waste.  So I pretended I was watching it with you!  And wrote down all obvious and mean things I would say about the show I love to hate.  Its like live tweeting only not live and I don't have a character limit.  Okay, here we go. . . 

Okay, ten seconds in I'm already freaking!  Hasn't anyone told Emily that releasing balloons into the air is dangerous!  They are going to pop in a forest and get eaten by a duck.  Its like she missed Earth Day in 2nd grade.

And how did I miss that she's 26!?!?!  I feel . . . old.

Emily: I can't go through this and fall in love and have it not work again.
Me: Girl!  Have you even seen this show before?!?!  Honey you have a better chance at finding love on the Biggest Loser.  Better bust out that ice cream.

How often do you think the tragic accident is going to be mentioned?  So far: 2 and I'm only 7 minutes in. . .

And Kalon has already claimed the "First day of the rest of my life" phrase.

David: I've written a lot of songs specifically about trying to find true love.
Me: Wow, that is so awesome.  No singer/songwriter has ever done that before.
David: Emily, Emily, Emily oh oh Emily. . .
Me: Great lyrics.  How do you come up with this stuff??

Oh great.  Jef.  Choosy Bachlorettes chose Jef.  All you have to do is say "Salt Lake City" and you know crazy is about to happen. 

AND JEF IS THE WINNER OF MY "FAIRY TALE" CONTEST.  I wondered if we would hear it much with 25 dudes instead of 25 girlies, but I knew someone would bust it out. 

*mention of Emily's ex-finance and the tragic accident

Emily: This could be the night that I meet my husband.
Me: Its like I already wrote this script for this show.

*mention of Emily's tragic story

And now the moment you've been waiting for you have to suffer through, Emily meeting the bachelors!!  They're all going to try and stand out with a stupid one liner.  Let's see what we got here: 

Jackson: Life is not about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.
Me: Oooookay, so how many times did you watch Hitch for tips on dating before coming on the show?

Aaron: I'm a high school biology teacher, but I'm here to have chemistry with you!
Emily: What do I say to that? "Awesome"

Did you see Emily do the don't-ever-touch-me-again shudder-shrug after Alessandro hugged her?  She did not look smitten.  Poor guy.

I'm starting to wonder if Jef is a BYU student just trying to complete an assignment for an acting class.  #doesntseemserious (hash tagging in blog posts is like the cool new thing to do)

Stevie comes dancing in.  He tells her he's a dancer/DJ/entertainer.  Sounds like a guy whose ready to settle down and be a dad.

Now we see Tony waltzing in with a glass slipper.  I am going to retract Jef as the winner of my fairy tale contest.  Wow.  Just seriously, wow.  And since you can't hear my voice, let me just tell you, not in a good way.

Oh my gosh, he's trying the shoe on her!  I hope it doesn't fit, I hope it doesn't fit. . . Dang it.

Some random bachelor: Feelings may get hurt down the road.
Me: What?  No!  No one ever gets hurt on this show.  You must be confused with Sesame Street.

The egg thing.  I can't decide if that's cute or creepy.  Time will tell.

Alejandro, I feel like there is going to be a language barrier here if you can't stick to English.

And now a cocktail party:

Emily: I don't know what I did to deserve all these wonderful guys!
Me: Oh honey, its nothing you did.

*Emily's fiance died in a plane crash.  This just in.

 Emily: I'm not the most athletic girl in the world.
Jef: That's way surprising.  It looks like you're really athletic.
Translation: You have a hot body.

Aparently single parenthood is the only thing you have to have in common to make a relationship work.  According to Doug.

Kalon: Of course I want the first impression rose.  My mom taught me first impression is everything, and fortunately I showed up in a helicopter.
Me: Well my first impression of you is that you borrowed your daddy's helicopter and that Luxury Brand Consultant probably isn't a real thing.
Oh wait, raised by a single mom.  My bad.  Still, not sure I'm a Kalon fan just yet.

Is there a rule that the bachelorette has to go with the person who asks if they can interrupt?  Because I would put the kabosh on that real quick if there wasn't.  Rude.

Unless I missed it, I think Arie was the first to use the "connection" word!!  Ding ding ding!

*And Arie slips in the fact that Emily's finance died.

Props to Emily for explaining her feelings about racing with out mentioning any tragedies.

Chris says he deserves the first impression rose???   What does that even mean? 

Insert Rose Ceremony Here

In the future I might care about the RCs a little more, but I don't have strong feelings yet so its just one more hoop to jump through.

Whoa!  Where did this Brent guy come from!?!? SIX KIDS. Musta missed it somehow.  But seriously dude, don't take it so personally.  This is not the only way to find love!  You are still a valid person!  I feel like everyone needs to be told this after not getting a rose.  Good grief.

My Big Announcement!!!

Why is it that the only announcement a married woman can make is that she's pregnant?  Don't tell me that wasn't the first thing that popped into your head. . . In fact when annoucing this to my class I said, "I have something I need to tell you guys, I wanted you to hear it from me first, unfortunately. . ." and before I could finish a student shouted "You're--" and then stopped.  But we all knew what word was hanging in the air.  Pregnant.  Yes, I always announce happy things starting with the word "unfortunately".  No, I'm not pregnant.

I quit my job!!!!!

Now, this is sad for my students ("unfortunately") and a little sad for me, but mostly happy for me and very happy for Olivia.  It was a hard decision to make, but I know its for the best.  Now comes the "unfortunately" for me. . .

Unfortunately, I will not be a stay at home mom just yet.  I'm going to be a nanny which will allow me to bring in a little money while still spending my days with Olivia.  And unfortunately I will not have the time to start my dream job as an interior designer yet either.  But one year is such a short time and soon I'll be in my own house, with my own kids, decorating rooms for all of you!!

For such a happy post, I sure did use the word "unfortunately" a lot.  But once I got started, I just kinda went with it. 



Not quite this, but close!



Source: ifiwasadj.tumblr.com via amber on Pinterest

Everybody has a happy place. . .

. . .and this is Olivia's

A few weeks ago my mother-in-law put this cushion under this table.  Something we could pull out if we needed another seat option.

And Olivia loved it! 

Sometimes she'll just sit on it and laugh!  I wish I knew what was so funny about it!

Wind People

On Olivia's birthday my friend Elizabeth wrote this post.  (No, it being Olivia's birthday has nothing to do with any of this, but how could I not say it?) And I love what she wrote about wind people.  I realized lately that my parents are great wind people.  It was something I could only recognize once I was associated with someone who was not.  But I want this to be a happy post, so no talk about that!

In middle school, I woke up by myself and got dressed and made it to the bus stop on time.

I chose to study extra Spanish instead of higher level math in high school.

I majored in Home Ec because its something I have loved since I was a child.  I also got my teaching degree.

One summer home from college, after a disastrous few months as a nanny, my mom helped me pack up all of my things, and buy a plane ticket back to Utah so I could spend the remainder of my break there, with my friends.

Early in my career, I researched and test drove and bought my own car.

These are a very few examples of how my parents have truly let me be my own person.  As long as I wasn't committing any crimes, or doing anything immoral, they have always been the wind in my sails.  They listen (and I think that's the key word here) and give advice when asked.  They guide me, they never force me.  And they are always very positive of my choices, even if it wouldn't be their first choice.

I never realized that was uncommon.  But now that I do, I really hope I can be that for Olivia and for all my kids.  As a parent I see how very difficult it can be to give independence to your child.  I see that it can be hard not to try and live through them.  Hard not to try and make them good at things you failed at.  Hard not to try and make them good at things you're good at.  Hard to just let them be them. 

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm lucky!

Remember I have a baby?

I don't want to blog too many baby pictures.  I realize that might only be fun for me.  But sometimes I just have to!  The other day Olivia grabed a sweater out of my laundry basket and tried to put it on and the crawled around the house with it.  It was starting to fall off by the time I took this pic.  She just cracks me up all the time.  I think she'll have a great sense of humor.

If you, like me, love posts about babies, you can click here to read all of my Olivia posts.

Robot Babies

One of the main reasons students take my Adult Roles class is the second quarter term project.  I have 20 robot babies that my students sign up to take home for a weekend.  For two days and three hours my teenagers feed, burp, diaper and wake up in the middle of the night to take care of these cute little simulations. 

In order to prepare my students I teach a unit on newborn care and parenting, including shaken baby syndrome.  Then I show a short video about proper care for the Real Care Baby.  And then I make sure parents are aware by sending home a permission slip.  One of my students lost his.  This is what he brought.  Best.  Note.  EVER.

 And here they are!  The proud parents!!

Please excuse the awful mess of my classroom in the background.  Its on my to-do list!!!

They are so excited.  Come Monday morning they will not be looking so happy.